Does or would the sex of your child matter to you?

Are you or would you be bothered by the sex of your child?

Do or would you prefer male children to female children?

The reason I asked all these questions is because the sex of a child is a very serious issue among most couples in Nigeria.  It is a common topic everywhere you go in Nigeria.

Both Nigerian men and women are bothered by the sex of their children in different degrees. For example, Most Nigerian men always feel bad when they have a baby-girl as their first child, as well as when they feel they have enough baby-girls, but no boy.

Those men would tell you they prefer to have male children without a girl than having female children without a boy. Such men do not hide their feelings about it.

Nigerian Women, on the other hand, have a slightly different attitude. For example, most of them pray to have both baby-boys and baby-girls. Unlike their male counterparts, they would prefer to have male children without a daughter, rather than female children without a male child.

The reason for this is obvious to majority of Nigerians. But in case you do not know what the reason is, I’ll tell you.

If they do not have at least a male child for their Nigerian husbands, it is mostly likely that they would be hated by their husbands, their husbands’ parents, as well as their husbands’ relations.  They may even be divorced for that simple reason and ultimately sent packing by their husbands, especially those who are very desperate in having male children by all means.

By the special grace of God, I do not think the way most Nigeria men do.   I do not prefer a male child to a female child.  I knew early in life that a girl-child could be as good a her male counterpart, if given the same opportunity.

That understanding changed my attitude to life drastically, as well as caused me to make a funny request from God, long before I started making babies.

My exact words in that request were: “God, my Father, I want a baby-girl as my first child and after that you can give whatever sex of child that you feel is good for me.  Any day I complain of having too many girls, take my life.”  That was exactly what happened.

There are four reason I prayed this prayer or made this request.   Relax as I share those reasons with you.

1. Good Female Relations

I lost my beautiful and loving biological mother on November 11, 1967, just nine days to my fifth birthday. Before then, I had also lost my father.

As a result of that, the task of bringing me up fell on the shoulders of my grand-mother, Mrs. Warri Emily Chiejine, who died in 1997.  She had to take over my upbringing because my father’s relations didn’t bother about me and my five other surviving siblings, let alone asking how we fared.

As I was growing up in my grand-mother’s house, her children, especially the female ones – Mrs. Grace Nwakogo, Mrs. Gladys Apata (Teni the musician’s step-mother), Mrs. Maria Nkechi Ajunam, among others – took a very good care of me. They never allowed me feel the untimely exit of my parents.

That is why I’ll always remain very grateful to them.  For those of them that are still alive, including Mrs. Nwakogo and Mrs. Apata, I wish them the best of life, including good health, long life and prosperity.

2. The Incomparable Usefulness Of Women Generally

My grand-mother had both female and male children, but the female ones were more helpful to me than the males. It wasn’t because her female children were more financially advantaged than the males, but because women are naturally helpful than men, all things being equal.

This is not to say that male children are not helpful. They are, but female children, on the aggregate, are more helpful than their male counterparts.

I am saying this with all sense of responsibility, experience and several years of research and observation. If you doubt my claim, choose ten families from your village or town, or wherever you know very well, study them like I did in my own case, and let me have your opinion.

3. Women Can Be As Good As The Best Men, If…

One of the reasons some Nigerian men don’t like sending their female children to school, especially in the years gone by, was because they saw it as a waste of resources. They saw it as the ‘sowing of seeds’ for the ‘strangers’ who would eventually marry their daughters.

As I was growing up and watching this negative attitude, I suddenly began to think differently.  That started when I began to hear and to read the stories of women who rose above their gender discrimination to become the best of what they wished themselves.

Among such great women were Mrs. Indira Priyadarshini Gandhi, the late and former Prime Minister of India, Mrs. Margaret Thatcher, the late and former Prime Minister of Britain, the late Mrs. Bola Kuforiji-Olubi, accountant, banker and former Nigeria Minister of Commerce, Mrs. Margaret Rose Adetutu Adeleke, a Nigerian woman of many parts, and later Professor Dora Akunyili, the late and former Director-General of Nigeria’s National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control, NAFDAC, and Dr. Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, a reputable World Bank personality and Nigeria’s former Nigeria Minister of Finance.

These women made helped me to discover the simple truth that every woman could become anything she wished herself, like her male counterparts, if given the same opportunity.  I discovered this possibility long before I got married.

And as soon as I did so, I decided that I would encourage my own female children to become whatever they wished to become.  And to God be the glory, they are on the right path.

4. The Rev. Samuel Olisemeke Martin Example

Once upon a time, there lived a man known as Rev. Samuel Olisemeke Martin Nwadiei. He was popularly known as Rev. Samuel Martin Wadei in America, because Americans couldn’t pronounce his indigenous Nigerian names well. He was a native of Issele-Uku, the capital of Aniocha North Local Government Council of Delta State, Nigeria.

He was discovered by a certain American missionary at a very tender age, and later taken to the United States of America, USA.  There he went to school and trained both as a military personnel, as well as a man of God.

At the time appointed by God, he returned to Nigeria as a Baptist reverend, and started developing both his town and several other towns in Nigeria, including Abba/Adonta, Issele-Mkpitime, Agbor towns, Ekpon, Oligie, Ogwashi-Uku, Umunede, Illah, Ute Alohen, Obior, Idumuje Ugboko, Obomkpa, Ubulu-Uku, Asaba, Aninwalo, Idumuogo, Boji Boji, Ake, Ottah Ozarre, Alisimie, Owa Alero, Owa Oyibu, Issele-Azagba, Ofagbe and Ewohimi

He was responsible for the establishment of the Pilgrim Baptist Teacher’s Training College, PBTTC, one of the few teacher’s training colleges in the whole of Nigeria.  That school is now the present camp for the National Youths Service Corp in Delta State.

Among other of his good works were the establishment of Pilgrim Baptist Hospital, Pilgrim Baptist Grammar School, PBGS, now Oligbo Grammar School, Pilgrim Baptist Vocational School, PBVS, Pilgrim Baptist Church, among several others.

Google would tell you more interesting stories about this great man.

This great Anioma clergy cum philanthropist extraordinaire, Rev. (Dr.) Olisemeke Samuel Martin Nwadiei, OBE, OON, departed this world for the bosom of the Lord on February 22, 1976, at the age of 101.

I was privileged to witness his historic and unprecedented burial ceremony in Issele-Uku, even though I was very young at that time. That was the first time I saw Americans, both White and the African Americans, in large number for the first time.

Do you know why I shared this story with you? He was married like every other man. The name of his wife was Leticia, in whose honour there is/was a Leticia Hall at the Baptist Church premises in Issele-Uku.

Unfortunately, as some of us would say, Rev. Martin Nwadiei and his wife, Leticia, did not have a child of their own. But today, the great man, Rev. (Dr.) Olisemeke Samuel Martin Nwadiei, OBE, OON remains one of the most famous clergy and philanthropist that Issele-Uku, Delta State, Nigeria and the world at large have ever produced.

He’s not famous because of the number of his children or the number of his sons. He has remained famous because of how he influenced and impacted on other people’s lives positively

I discovered this life principle very early in life. I consequently understood that it is not the number of children or the number of sons that a man or a woman has that matters, but what he or she lived his or her life.  Just as the Bible says that a man’s life is is not dependent on his possessions.

5. Good-For-Nothing Male Children

There was a rich man who had five sons and no daughter. For obvious reasons, I won’t mention his name here. He was very popular because of his wealth and the large number of his sons.

Several years later, the man died in his old age, leaving so much money and landed properties behind for his sons to inherit. While his corpse was still in the mortuary, his first and the third son started fighting over his sleek black Mercedes Limousine car.

In the course of that misunderstanding, his third son killed his first son. They were buried before he was buried.

The man’s four surviving sons later shared all his properties. Surprisingly, they all sold their share of their father’s properties, and started living the life of the biblical prodigal son, until they became totally broke and disappeared from their community.

I can imagine how happy their father was when they were born. He must have thought and seen them as people who would take over from him after his death, but he was mistaken!

How do you think the man would have felt if he had five girls without a son? Don’t you think he would have died miserably, thinking that there would be nobody to take over his estate after his death?

I think so! But what happened later? Did those boys he celebrated and saw as his future replacements not disappoint him?

What can you learn from this story? Does it not teach you that the continuity of a man’s name, family, or business is never guaranteed by the number of male children that he has?

I am a man, yet I need to speak the truth here.  One good female child is far better than one hundred Stupid male children?   Don’t you think so?  Think about it!

Interestingly, my daughter, who’s also my first child has started showing strong signs of taking after my female relations mentioned above.   This simply means that I did not make a mistake for asking God for her.  I asked God for her, and He blessed me with her.

I can testify that my baby-girl whose name is Gold Divine is really the Divine answer to my request.   Her heart is as beautiful as her outlook.

To God be the glory, for ever and ever.

A-M-E-N!